{"id":27158,"date":"2017-09-18T11:21:58","date_gmt":"2017-09-18T15:21:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chooselovemovement.org\/huffpost-choosing-love-time-grief\/"},"modified":"2017-09-18T11:21:58","modified_gmt":"2017-09-18T15:21:58","slug":"huffpost-choosing-love-time-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/server.peraltadev.com\/chooselove\/huffpost-choosing-love-time-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"HuffPost: Choosing Love in the Time of Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/h2>\n

Choosing Love in the Time of Grief<\/h2>\n

Arkady Bukh, Contributor
\nCriminal defense lawyer, entrepreneur, philanthropist<\/p>\n

September 18, 2017<\/p>\n

https:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/entry\/59c01fc3e4b0f96732cbc850 <\/p>\n

\n

The smell of gunsmoke was still in the air when first responders arrived at Sandy Hook Elementary School<\/a> in Newtown, Connecticut eleven days before Christmas, 2012.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The shooter, twenty-year-old Adam Lanza<\/a> shot himself in the head.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Research and studies following the shooting all reached the same conclusion. No one could determine why Lanza did it. Lanza had Asperger\u2019s syndrome and suffered from depression, anxiety and was OCD, yet even the Office of the Child Advocate said these issues had \u201cneither caused nor led to his murderous acts.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

InfoWars host, Alex Jones, called the shooting a \u2018conspiracy.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s easier for some to believe the shooting didn\u2019t happen,\u201d says Scarlett Lewis, mother of Jesse Lewis who was a victim at Sandy Hook. \u201cIt\u2019s easier for some to be pissed off than to feel scared and hurt. Stoking anger, by capitalizing on their fear is not being part of the solution.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Newtown, about 60 miles from New York City, has 28,000 residents. In the decade before the shooting there had been just one murder.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Victoria Soto<\/a> hid some children in a closet. Some of her students hid under their desk. Soto walked back to the classroom door to lock it when Lanza entered. Going to the back of the classroom, Lanz spotted the children under the desk and shot.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Jesse Lewis shouted at his classmates to run and was looking at the killer when Lanza fatally shot him. Jesse\u2019s courage during his final moments saved 9 of his classmates\u2019 lives.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The Ripples<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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In response to the tragedy, some parents turned to alcohol and drugs. Marriages broke up; jobs were lost. Still, others sought comfort in religion as they looked for answers beyond the physical.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Lewis turned her grief into a mechanism to reach out and help others. She is Jesse Lewis\u2019 mom.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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In the days leading up to the tragedy, Jesse wrote three words on his chalkboard. \u201cNurturing. Healing. Love.\u201d His mom saw those words as a calling from Jesse saying, \u201cI have something for you to do for us. That\u2019s to consciously change an angry thought into a loving one because it is a choice.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

From that seed grew the \u201cJesse Lewis Choose Love Movement & Enrichment Program<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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In April, 2013, Lewis shared the rostrum with then-President Obama. Following her speech, Obama greeted Lewis and said he fully supports Lewis\u2019 mission of making socal and emotional learning avaible to each child. Obama promised to connect Lewis with his sister, Maya Soetoro-ng and the work her organization, Ceeds of Peace<\/a>, was doing in Hawaii.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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CLM is a free social and emotional learning program focused on helping educators and their students learn to choose love in any circumstance. Through CLM, they become connected, resilient and empowered.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Backed by up-to-date neurological studies and neuroscience, the goal of the program is to provide kids with the information, abilities, and temperament needed to choose love regardless of the situation.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The abilities taught in the program include:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
    \n
  • Perceiving and handling emotions<\/li>\n
  • Establishing and reaching positive goals<\/li>\n
  • Experiencing and showing compassion<\/li>\n
  • Building and sustaining positive relations, and<\/li>\n
  • Making rational decisions<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n
    \n

    \u201cI realized the solution is simple,\u201d says Lewis on the program\u2019s website Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement. \u201cIf we infuse our classrooms with love and teach children how to give, they won\u2019t want to harm one another.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Lewis decided to become part of the solution to violence and started a global movement to choose love.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    \u201cFollowing the shooting, I asked myself two questions. \u201cHow could something like this happen and what can be done to make sure it doesn\u2019t happen again.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Lewis realized she could be a victim and blame someone else as she relinquished her personal power or she could be part of living in a society which cultivates mass murderers such as Lanza and be part of the solution.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    \u201cSocial and Emotional Learning is THE <\/em>solution to the issues we see in society,\u201d says Lewis. \u201cIt is a proactive and preventative approach, scientifically proven, to increase grades, test scores and attendance.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Lewis put her shoulder to the wheel and started the movement to grow to understand that with the right tools, individuals can be educated and encouraged to choose loving thoughts over angry thoughts.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    \u201cBullying, mental health issues and substance abuse decrease as we teach a loving responsibility,\u201d says Lewis. \u201cHow long is it going to take for us to implement the solution which is right in front of us?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Why<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    The grief following a murder can be more challenging to deal with than the loss from a disease. The answer to \u201cwhy\u201d is always in third-person. In dealing with grief, it is important to remember there is a legal system \u2014 not always a justice system. For many, the only justice would be having their loved one back, and this makes acceptance a process \u2014 not a final step.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Murder Is A Different Breed<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    The grief following the death of a loved one with a terminal illness is a different animal.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Murder has its own deeper level of denial and shock. The event is unexpected, tragic, a crime and unbelievable \u2014 all at the same time.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Anger can be felt deeper than grief following other deaths. A horrible injustice has been done, and that rage needs to be let out in constructive ways.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Look for forgiveness according to your schedule \u2014 not others. Ignore those who say that someone \u201cshould forgive.\u201d Forgiveness comes from within and only when ready.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Grief after a murder is as unique as a fingerprint. Some may want to be involved in the legal case; others don\u2019t. Some may want to face the murderer; others may not.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Turn on the news and count on being confronted with violence images of senseless tragedy. Mass shootings. Suicide bombings. Other acts that push death into the forefront of the lives of everyday people. Ordinary persons who suddenly have to cope with the unexpected loss of a loved one. All because of the deliberate act of another.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Everyone faces death sometime in their lives. The tapestry of sudden emotions following the violent tearing away is unique. To give emotional comfort, it\u2019s vital to understand violence circumstances trigger a unique counseling situation for friends and family members of the victim.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Children Have Their Dynamics<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    The smallest mourners are overlooked. They receive hugs, but not answers. Kids don\u2019t have a filter built from experience. Children feel the full fury of their loss in one devastating blow without a lifetime to learn coping skills to get through. Children don\u2019t understand the permanence of death.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Different age groups have a different understanding of the events swirling around them. Each factor must be considered when facing a child suffering traumatic loss. Awareness of a child\u2019s needs goes a long way in allowing a child to express their grief in a healing way.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Lewis sums it up by saying, \u201cCourage is also a core value, as Jesse courageously saved nine of his classmates\u2019 lives before losing his own. Courage is an overarching concept as it takes courage to be grateful, especially when things aren\u2019t going your way. It takes courage to forgive, especially when the person who hurt you isn\u2019t sorry and it takes courage to step outside your universe of \u201cbusyness\u201d and pain to help others.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Lewis\u2019 organization offers a free comprehensive social and emotional learning program focusing on empower children with the knowledge we can choose love and cultivate resilience, connection and compassion.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Choosing Love in the Time of Grief Arkady Bukh, Contributor Criminal defense lawyer, entrepreneur, philanthropist September 18, 2017 https:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/entry\/59c01fc3e4b0f96732cbc850  The smell of gunsmoke was still in the air when first […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":27159,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27158","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-general","category-sel"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHuffPost: Choosing Love in the Time of Grief - Choose Love Movement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"HuffPost: Choosing Love in the Time of Grief - 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